Maintaining Long Distance Relationship
Maintaining a good and healthy long distance relationship can be a challenge. It takes two mature people who can effectively communicate in order to make it work.
In this article in order to make your relationship survive there are a few most common problems couples face and how to avoid falling into the same traps in your relationship.
One of the first things you and your partner need to do to ensure the continued strength of your relationship is to make sure you both understand each other commitment being truthful and honest at all times.
Another thing you and your partner need to do is make sure you have good communication skills. When you are far away from each other for extended periods of time, and you cannot have physical contact, you will have to rely solely on your communication skills to continue to build your relationship.
That is why long distance relationships, when they last, are some of the best relationships around. The couple has to learn to communicate effectively to make it work, and they do not get distracted by all the physical attraction. They are able to connect on a deeper level which can often lead to a more fulfilling relationship.
If you are an insecure person, though most people would not admit it if they are, you should avoid getting involved in a long distance relationship. Being in this type of relationship requires a great amount of trust, typically people who are insecure see a threat everywhere, even where there isn't one.
If you and your partner are overly suspicious, not only will your relationship be a constant battle, it will also be unlikely to work. No good relationship can be based on suspicion and insecurities.
You and your partner also need to be careful of the temptation to have a 'fling' with someone while away from your partner.
If you want to maintain your long distance relationship you have to know ahead of time that it will be a challenge and you and your partner both have to be committed to making it work, but if you follow my long distance relationship advice you and your partner have a real shot of having a great, long term loving relationship.
Warning Signs of a Break UP
Be cautious and aware of a warning signs of a possible break up . All relationships are different but there are usually similar symptoms of a trouble relationship to look out for:
1) You are being ignore by your partner.
It is not about him not talking to you. Ignoring someone, is where you lose interest in that person. What they are feeling or even where they were. Your love life may need a little work.
Think about why you are being ignore Have you forgotten their birthday or some other special event. Have you been less than loving lately. Are you feeling being neglected. People usually react over something they feel has happened. This could just be their perception but as they are your lover you should try to keep the relationship happy and you need to understand their point of view.
Why not give a surprise nice meal and sit down and talk about what is going on. Communication between couples is not always what it should be; but try to open a line of communication. Who knows where it may lead.
2) Your lover try to avoid seeing you or go out with you.
Does your lover suddenly becomes unavailable and too busy to see. You need to find out what that is. Do not ignore the warning signs. There is no excuse, find out the reason why he is behaving like this. Whatever you do, do not ignore these signals or you could find yourself in receipt of a break up letter.
3) Your partner is distant in the bedroom
While sex is only a three letter word, it can cause huge problems. Just ask any couple who has been together a long time. Sometimes your family or life’s issues can get in the way. Not making love every night is quite normal. What is not normal is not being intimate for months . Couples are held together by shared emotions and feelings. So do not underestimate the power of a cuddle.
In every relationship each one of us knows when one is happy or not. Sometimes their mood will have nothing to do with your actions, but often it is an indication of trouble brewing. Pay attention and look out for the above warnings signs. Otherwise you could find yourself wondering what went wrong with your relationship.
1) You are being ignore by your partner.
It is not about him not talking to you. Ignoring someone, is where you lose interest in that person. What they are feeling or even where they were. Your love life may need a little work.
Think about why you are being ignore Have you forgotten their birthday or some other special event. Have you been less than loving lately. Are you feeling being neglected. People usually react over something they feel has happened. This could just be their perception but as they are your lover you should try to keep the relationship happy and you need to understand their point of view.
Why not give a surprise nice meal and sit down and talk about what is going on. Communication between couples is not always what it should be; but try to open a line of communication. Who knows where it may lead.
2) Your lover try to avoid seeing you or go out with you.
Does your lover suddenly becomes unavailable and too busy to see. You need to find out what that is. Do not ignore the warning signs. There is no excuse, find out the reason why he is behaving like this. Whatever you do, do not ignore these signals or you could find yourself in receipt of a break up letter.
3) Your partner is distant in the bedroom
While sex is only a three letter word, it can cause huge problems. Just ask any couple who has been together a long time. Sometimes your family or life’s issues can get in the way. Not making love every night is quite normal. What is not normal is not being intimate for months . Couples are held together by shared emotions and feelings. So do not underestimate the power of a cuddle.
In every relationship each one of us knows when one is happy or not. Sometimes their mood will have nothing to do with your actions, but often it is an indication of trouble brewing. Pay attention and look out for the above warnings signs. Otherwise you could find yourself wondering what went wrong with your relationship.
Scaping The Final Stages of Break Up
Very few people experience the sudden break up. There is usually a series of stages of breaking up in a relationship.If it comes as a shock, you probably have the reason why you were dumped. You were not paying attention to what was happening between you and your partner. Things like for instance, ignoring you and avoiding spending time with you.
We all get caught up in our own thing from time to time . But when your partner sees less of you than your friends and other family,it can highlight an issue in your relationship. If you do spend time together but are always fighting, you need to stop and break that cycle. Constant arguing achieves nothing and although initially it is fun making up, it can come to a point where you do not even bother trying.
Does your partner trust you? Do you trust them? Lack of trust is also a symptom of a partnership in trouble. If you expect to know where your partner all the time, they will soon see that this is not love. If you are behaving like this, you need to stop right now. Unless your spouse has given you reason not to trust them, you should believe in them and have faith that they will do the right thing.
Do you share your happy feelings and commiserate when you are down or feeling low? Couples who instinctively, know how the other is feeling, will overcome most of the blockage that life can throw at us.
Does your partner share your interests and hobbies? If she has made an effort to get involved, this is a sign that she really cares about you. No-one expects her to join you for your 5am fishing trips but if she seems interested in listening to your stories about what you caught, what size it was, that is a good sign.
Your partner may have asked for a trial separation. This is just an easy way of saying “you are dumped but I can’t say that!” But it does not always have to mean this. Things can go wrong between two people and only time apart will help them to resolve the issues.
So if your lover does suggest this, agree but ask that they come to counseling with you. Show that you do not want the relationship to end as they mean too much to you. Try not to put pressure on your partner and do not resort to emotional blackmail. You cannot force someone to love you but you can turn a bad situation into something a lot worse by appearing desperate or manipulative.
True love is based on understanding and respect. Showing your partner that you know this is a great way to avoid the final stages of breaking up.
How to Find Help For Troubled Relationship
Relationship can sometimes be difficult specially if it is in trouble. So where can you find help for a troubled relationship?
If you and your partner are still speaking, why not make a date together at your favorite restaurant. A public place is great for a chat about your feelings as you are more likely will keep your temper under control.
Sometimes having it in a private place away from home, are all that is needed to sort out the troubles in a relationship. Life gets so busy that it is easy to lose track of our loved ones and to end up ignoring them or causing them to feel neglected. A few meetings may be all you both need to get back on track.
If you it is not possible, why not ask a trusted friend or family member to act as mediator. This can be a difficult step to take and not one that you should enter into lightly. You must pick someone who has the ability to act impartially. This is not the time for any third party to be taking sides.
What you are looking for is, someone who can help you and your partner to talk openly about the problems you are having. Someone who has been in a long term relationship, for a long period of time, will probably better understand the difficulties a couple can face. Single people may understand the theory but not having had the experience will find it difficult to give advice.
Often it is not possible for you to find a suitable friend or family member so why not try couple counseling? People believe that these services are only available for married couples but that is not the case. There are some services dedicated to those that are married but others are for couples who live together or share time together.
Check your local phone directory to see what services are available. Be careful when choosing your counselor though. If possible, use a personal recommendation. Your doctor or religious adviser may be able to help. Or ask your counselor if they have clients who are willing to give them a testimonial.
It is much better if both of you meet the counselor as it is important you are both comfortable talking to this person. You will be discussing intimate details and this is impossible if you do not like the counselor. They will probably want to meet you together as a couple and perhaps separately as well. Find out how many meetings you will be expected to attend and when you are likely to see results.
The good news is that if both parties are amenable to seeking help , you stand a great chance of sorting out your issues and going back to the happy couple once again.
If you and your partner are still speaking, why not make a date together at your favorite restaurant. A public place is great for a chat about your feelings as you are more likely will keep your temper under control.
Sometimes having it in a private place away from home, are all that is needed to sort out the troubles in a relationship. Life gets so busy that it is easy to lose track of our loved ones and to end up ignoring them or causing them to feel neglected. A few meetings may be all you both need to get back on track.
If you it is not possible, why not ask a trusted friend or family member to act as mediator. This can be a difficult step to take and not one that you should enter into lightly. You must pick someone who has the ability to act impartially. This is not the time for any third party to be taking sides.
What you are looking for is, someone who can help you and your partner to talk openly about the problems you are having. Someone who has been in a long term relationship, for a long period of time, will probably better understand the difficulties a couple can face. Single people may understand the theory but not having had the experience will find it difficult to give advice.
Often it is not possible for you to find a suitable friend or family member so why not try couple counseling? People believe that these services are only available for married couples but that is not the case. There are some services dedicated to those that are married but others are for couples who live together or share time together.
Check your local phone directory to see what services are available. Be careful when choosing your counselor though. If possible, use a personal recommendation. Your doctor or religious adviser may be able to help. Or ask your counselor if they have clients who are willing to give them a testimonial.
It is much better if both of you meet the counselor as it is important you are both comfortable talking to this person. You will be discussing intimate details and this is impossible if you do not like the counselor. They will probably want to meet you together as a couple and perhaps separately as well. Find out how many meetings you will be expected to attend and when you are likely to see results.
The good news is that if both parties are amenable to seeking help , you stand a great chance of sorting out your issues and going back to the happy couple once again.
Embrace Conflict to Save Marriage
In most cases,in order to end the relationship, husband or wife need to do is state to the court that there are “irreconcilable differences” and the court will grant the divorce. But, in any marriage, there should be irreconcilable differences. The best way to save marriage is to embrace the conflict that is inherent in a close partnership between two people.
We often think of divorcing couples are the ones who screamed at each other all of the time. But if these couples can communicate their needs through elevated voices, they are actually doing better than the couple that avoids all conflict at the cost of expressing their needs and beliefs.
It is these silent couples who need to save marriage through embracing conflict.
While no one is suggesting that emotional and verbal abuse is a good thing for a relationship, couples who do not acknowledge that there are problems and differences are actually more likely to split up according to Dr. John Gottman, a researcher who runs the Love Lab.
So, if you want to save a marriage, you need to learn how to communicate and express your differences. Here are some tips :
· Allow enough time for proper communication. If you are not spending enough time together to air your differences and share your strengths, you will find your relationship is in trouble. Work on building couple’s time back into your life. For instance, make a point of eating dinner together several times a week or going out on a date very week.
· Listen when your partner speaks. It is amazing how much we tune out our partners. He or she may be telling you what you need to know. But, if you are not listening, it is all in vain.
· Find out why your partner is annoyed. When your husband or wife is being particularly grumpy, find out what is really going on. Sometimes, it may be that you have done something that has annoyed your partner. Other times, it may be that something completely unrelated has occurred. But you would not know unless you ask.
· Get inside his or her world. As couples begin to drift apart, they start to live in separate worlds. When you make an attempt to get inside his or her world, you may just save the marriage.
· Stop judging. Express what needs you have and listen to your spouse’s needs. But, do not be quick to judge or criticize.
· Be honest. One of the biggest problems for people who do not like conflict is that they can not be honest about what they want and need. When you start to express honest opinions about things, you will begin to save marriage.
Marriage is hard work. But, if it is worth saving your marriage, you will do the work. That means more communication, and yes, embrace more conflict.
We often think of divorcing couples are the ones who screamed at each other all of the time. But if these couples can communicate their needs through elevated voices, they are actually doing better than the couple that avoids all conflict at the cost of expressing their needs and beliefs.
It is these silent couples who need to save marriage through embracing conflict.
While no one is suggesting that emotional and verbal abuse is a good thing for a relationship, couples who do not acknowledge that there are problems and differences are actually more likely to split up according to Dr. John Gottman, a researcher who runs the Love Lab.
So, if you want to save a marriage, you need to learn how to communicate and express your differences. Here are some tips :
· Allow enough time for proper communication. If you are not spending enough time together to air your differences and share your strengths, you will find your relationship is in trouble. Work on building couple’s time back into your life. For instance, make a point of eating dinner together several times a week or going out on a date very week.
· Listen when your partner speaks. It is amazing how much we tune out our partners. He or she may be telling you what you need to know. But, if you are not listening, it is all in vain.
· Find out why your partner is annoyed. When your husband or wife is being particularly grumpy, find out what is really going on. Sometimes, it may be that you have done something that has annoyed your partner. Other times, it may be that something completely unrelated has occurred. But you would not know unless you ask.
· Get inside his or her world. As couples begin to drift apart, they start to live in separate worlds. When you make an attempt to get inside his or her world, you may just save the marriage.
· Stop judging. Express what needs you have and listen to your spouse’s needs. But, do not be quick to judge or criticize.
· Be honest. One of the biggest problems for people who do not like conflict is that they can not be honest about what they want and need. When you start to express honest opinions about things, you will begin to save marriage.
Marriage is hard work. But, if it is worth saving your marriage, you will do the work. That means more communication, and yes, embrace more conflict.
Writing Letters To Get Your Ex Back
Is writing letters to get your ex back a good idea? There are many people that write letters, text messages, e-mails and just about every other form of text-based correspondence on a daily basis. Many of these people will resort to that form of communication when trying to get an ex-love.
In order to truly comment on how effective this method is, we need to examine both the good points and the bad points about it. The good point is that they will allow you to express feelings that you might not otherwise be able to express face to face. There are plenty of people that can say more in text than they ever been able to say verbally. So if letters are helping you with the communication process, they can definitely be a good thing.
On the other hand, letters are also quite impersonal. People that are broken up with over the phone, over an instant messaging program, through mail or even by text-message are people that tend to really hold grudges. The most honest way to break up with someone is in person, although many people just do not know to do it this way. Just as this is true with breakups, so too true with everything else related to relationships. If you want to get your ex back, the letter might not be the best way to communicate that information.
This is actually even more evident if you go back and look at the previous good point about writing letters. Even though they can help you communicate things that you find hard to communicate verbally. Learning to communicate verbally shows that you can change for the better for your ex and is more likely to make them come back to you than a written letter.
Generally speaking though, all of this might be a bit of an academic debate. The reason for that is that many times the direct approach is not the best one when it comes to getting your ex back. Writing letters to get your ex back by definition involves the direct approach. If your goal with the letter is to start up the relationship again, you can do nothing but take the direct approach. The closer to the breakup you write the letter, the less likelihood there is of the direct approach being able to work.
Most people would advise that you go with the indirect approach. Let your relationship with your ex grow back into friendship after the breakup and then take the opportunity to reignite the relationship when it comes along. That is far more indirect than direct in nature and naturally does not involve the writing of any letters. This means that there is know going back and forth about how beneficial letter writing actually is.
In order to truly comment on how effective this method is, we need to examine both the good points and the bad points about it. The good point is that they will allow you to express feelings that you might not otherwise be able to express face to face. There are plenty of people that can say more in text than they ever been able to say verbally. So if letters are helping you with the communication process, they can definitely be a good thing.
On the other hand, letters are also quite impersonal. People that are broken up with over the phone, over an instant messaging program, through mail or even by text-message are people that tend to really hold grudges. The most honest way to break up with someone is in person, although many people just do not know to do it this way. Just as this is true with breakups, so too true with everything else related to relationships. If you want to get your ex back, the letter might not be the best way to communicate that information.
This is actually even more evident if you go back and look at the previous good point about writing letters. Even though they can help you communicate things that you find hard to communicate verbally. Learning to communicate verbally shows that you can change for the better for your ex and is more likely to make them come back to you than a written letter.
Generally speaking though, all of this might be a bit of an academic debate. The reason for that is that many times the direct approach is not the best one when it comes to getting your ex back. Writing letters to get your ex back by definition involves the direct approach. If your goal with the letter is to start up the relationship again, you can do nothing but take the direct approach. The closer to the breakup you write the letter, the less likelihood there is of the direct approach being able to work.
Most people would advise that you go with the indirect approach. Let your relationship with your ex grow back into friendship after the breakup and then take the opportunity to reignite the relationship when it comes along. That is far more indirect than direct in nature and naturally does not involve the writing of any letters. This means that there is know going back and forth about how beneficial letter writing actually is.
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