Relationship can sometimes be difficult specially if it is in trouble. So where can you find help for a troubled relationship?
If you and your partner are still speaking, why not make a date together at your favorite restaurant. A public place is great for a chat about your feelings as you are more likely will keep your temper under control.
Sometimes having it in a private place away from home, are all that is needed to sort out the troubles in a relationship. Life gets so busy that it is easy to lose track of our loved ones and to end up ignoring them or causing them to feel neglected. A few meetings may be all you both need to get back on track.
If you it is not possible, why not ask a trusted friend or family member to act as mediator. This can be a difficult step to take and not one that you should enter into lightly. You must pick someone who has the ability to act impartially. This is not the time for any third party to be taking sides.
What you are looking for is, someone who can help you and your partner to talk openly about the problems you are having. Someone who has been in a long term relationship, for a long period of time, will probably better understand the difficulties a couple can face. Single people may understand the theory but not having had the experience will find it difficult to give advice.
Often it is not possible for you to find a suitable friend or family member so why not try couple counseling? People believe that these services are only available for married couples but that is not the case. There are some services dedicated to those that are married but others are for couples who live together or share time together.
Check your local phone directory to see what services are available. Be careful when choosing your counselor though. If possible, use a personal recommendation. Your doctor or religious adviser may be able to help. Or ask your counselor if they have clients who are willing to give them a testimonial.
It is much better if both of you meet the counselor as it is important you are both comfortable talking to this person. You will be discussing intimate details and this is impossible if you do not like the counselor. They will probably want to meet you together as a couple and perhaps separately as well. Find out how many meetings you will be expected to attend and when you are likely to see results.
The good news is that if both parties are amenable to seeking help , you stand a great chance of sorting out your issues and going back to the happy couple once again.
Embrace Conflict to Save Marriage
In most cases,in order to end the relationship, husband or wife need to do is state to the court that there are “irreconcilable differences” and the court will grant the divorce. But, in any marriage, there should be irreconcilable differences. The best way to save marriage is to embrace the conflict that is inherent in a close partnership between two people.
We often think of divorcing couples are the ones who screamed at each other all of the time. But if these couples can communicate their needs through elevated voices, they are actually doing better than the couple that avoids all conflict at the cost of expressing their needs and beliefs.
It is these silent couples who need to save marriage through embracing conflict.
While no one is suggesting that emotional and verbal abuse is a good thing for a relationship, couples who do not acknowledge that there are problems and differences are actually more likely to split up according to Dr. John Gottman, a researcher who runs the Love Lab.
So, if you want to save a marriage, you need to learn how to communicate and express your differences. Here are some tips :
· Allow enough time for proper communication. If you are not spending enough time together to air your differences and share your strengths, you will find your relationship is in trouble. Work on building couple’s time back into your life. For instance, make a point of eating dinner together several times a week or going out on a date very week.
· Listen when your partner speaks. It is amazing how much we tune out our partners. He or she may be telling you what you need to know. But, if you are not listening, it is all in vain.
· Find out why your partner is annoyed. When your husband or wife is being particularly grumpy, find out what is really going on. Sometimes, it may be that you have done something that has annoyed your partner. Other times, it may be that something completely unrelated has occurred. But you would not know unless you ask.
· Get inside his or her world. As couples begin to drift apart, they start to live in separate worlds. When you make an attempt to get inside his or her world, you may just save the marriage.
· Stop judging. Express what needs you have and listen to your spouse’s needs. But, do not be quick to judge or criticize.
· Be honest. One of the biggest problems for people who do not like conflict is that they can not be honest about what they want and need. When you start to express honest opinions about things, you will begin to save marriage.
Marriage is hard work. But, if it is worth saving your marriage, you will do the work. That means more communication, and yes, embrace more conflict.
We often think of divorcing couples are the ones who screamed at each other all of the time. But if these couples can communicate their needs through elevated voices, they are actually doing better than the couple that avoids all conflict at the cost of expressing their needs and beliefs.
It is these silent couples who need to save marriage through embracing conflict.
While no one is suggesting that emotional and verbal abuse is a good thing for a relationship, couples who do not acknowledge that there are problems and differences are actually more likely to split up according to Dr. John Gottman, a researcher who runs the Love Lab.
So, if you want to save a marriage, you need to learn how to communicate and express your differences. Here are some tips :
· Allow enough time for proper communication. If you are not spending enough time together to air your differences and share your strengths, you will find your relationship is in trouble. Work on building couple’s time back into your life. For instance, make a point of eating dinner together several times a week or going out on a date very week.
· Listen when your partner speaks. It is amazing how much we tune out our partners. He or she may be telling you what you need to know. But, if you are not listening, it is all in vain.
· Find out why your partner is annoyed. When your husband or wife is being particularly grumpy, find out what is really going on. Sometimes, it may be that you have done something that has annoyed your partner. Other times, it may be that something completely unrelated has occurred. But you would not know unless you ask.
· Get inside his or her world. As couples begin to drift apart, they start to live in separate worlds. When you make an attempt to get inside his or her world, you may just save the marriage.
· Stop judging. Express what needs you have and listen to your spouse’s needs. But, do not be quick to judge or criticize.
· Be honest. One of the biggest problems for people who do not like conflict is that they can not be honest about what they want and need. When you start to express honest opinions about things, you will begin to save marriage.
Marriage is hard work. But, if it is worth saving your marriage, you will do the work. That means more communication, and yes, embrace more conflict.
Writing Letters To Get Your Ex Back
Is writing letters to get your ex back a good idea? There are many people that write letters, text messages, e-mails and just about every other form of text-based correspondence on a daily basis. Many of these people will resort to that form of communication when trying to get an ex-love.
In order to truly comment on how effective this method is, we need to examine both the good points and the bad points about it. The good point is that they will allow you to express feelings that you might not otherwise be able to express face to face. There are plenty of people that can say more in text than they ever been able to say verbally. So if letters are helping you with the communication process, they can definitely be a good thing.
On the other hand, letters are also quite impersonal. People that are broken up with over the phone, over an instant messaging program, through mail or even by text-message are people that tend to really hold grudges. The most honest way to break up with someone is in person, although many people just do not know to do it this way. Just as this is true with breakups, so too true with everything else related to relationships. If you want to get your ex back, the letter might not be the best way to communicate that information.
This is actually even more evident if you go back and look at the previous good point about writing letters. Even though they can help you communicate things that you find hard to communicate verbally. Learning to communicate verbally shows that you can change for the better for your ex and is more likely to make them come back to you than a written letter.
Generally speaking though, all of this might be a bit of an academic debate. The reason for that is that many times the direct approach is not the best one when it comes to getting your ex back. Writing letters to get your ex back by definition involves the direct approach. If your goal with the letter is to start up the relationship again, you can do nothing but take the direct approach. The closer to the breakup you write the letter, the less likelihood there is of the direct approach being able to work.
Most people would advise that you go with the indirect approach. Let your relationship with your ex grow back into friendship after the breakup and then take the opportunity to reignite the relationship when it comes along. That is far more indirect than direct in nature and naturally does not involve the writing of any letters. This means that there is know going back and forth about how beneficial letter writing actually is.
In order to truly comment on how effective this method is, we need to examine both the good points and the bad points about it. The good point is that they will allow you to express feelings that you might not otherwise be able to express face to face. There are plenty of people that can say more in text than they ever been able to say verbally. So if letters are helping you with the communication process, they can definitely be a good thing.
On the other hand, letters are also quite impersonal. People that are broken up with over the phone, over an instant messaging program, through mail or even by text-message are people that tend to really hold grudges. The most honest way to break up with someone is in person, although many people just do not know to do it this way. Just as this is true with breakups, so too true with everything else related to relationships. If you want to get your ex back, the letter might not be the best way to communicate that information.
This is actually even more evident if you go back and look at the previous good point about writing letters. Even though they can help you communicate things that you find hard to communicate verbally. Learning to communicate verbally shows that you can change for the better for your ex and is more likely to make them come back to you than a written letter.
Generally speaking though, all of this might be a bit of an academic debate. The reason for that is that many times the direct approach is not the best one when it comes to getting your ex back. Writing letters to get your ex back by definition involves the direct approach. If your goal with the letter is to start up the relationship again, you can do nothing but take the direct approach. The closer to the breakup you write the letter, the less likelihood there is of the direct approach being able to work.
Most people would advise that you go with the indirect approach. Let your relationship with your ex grow back into friendship after the breakup and then take the opportunity to reignite the relationship when it comes along. That is far more indirect than direct in nature and naturally does not involve the writing of any letters. This means that there is know going back and forth about how beneficial letter writing actually is.
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